Dear Diary,
I finished descriptive stats after 1 long month of starting it. And today i went halfway through the first lesson in inferential stat. who thought stats would be fun? i've been reading this book called naked statistics and it is explaining so well about the intuitive meaning and everyday applications of various stat concepts. I'm loving it.
Today i made chilli cheese toast in the evening. But before that i had to wait an hour in the queue outside the super market to buy the ingredients. Because of covid, now they allow only 5 people to enter at a time. But lemme say it was worth it. everyone loved it. yesterdays choco cake was also a hit.
these days i'm cooking more. i dont think its because i'm hungry all the time, or i'm feeling sooper chefy...but when i cook, i get to take my mind off things that i should be worried about...i can keep beating the butter, and just get lost watching the beauty of the froth in the bowl, than think about ww3 or home politics...sometimes, my parents think i have an eating disorder when they see me cooking stuff even when the dinner is fullly ready...but they dont realise, i dont want to necessarily eat the stuff i make, i just want to keep my hands occupied.
Oh by the way, i saw asiya at the supermarket. she was with her mom. she was about 2 metres from me? i was wearing a cloth scarf around my face, so she didnt notice me.My heart beat so fast. i was so perplexed. should i go talk to her, should i leave her alone? she looked almost the same as 7 years back, but slimmer. It was almost 5, shop was gonna close in some while, and i was a little apprehensive about breaking the social distancing thing....in the end, i decided not to go upto her...i stood behind her mom, checked out my stuff and left.
it feels so weird, seeing my school bestfriend after many many years, and just passing by without a care. when she got into medical school, she cut off all of her friends including me. i still dont understand what came over her. i guess her old friends werent good enough to be in her new uppity life. but i understood, if she didnt want me in her life, i had to respect that choice and keep my distance. And so i did. So, It wasnt covid really that kept us apart. I observed her for a while while the cashier billed the stuff, then i packed up and left. isnt that funny?
if 10 years ago, if someone told me, this is how things would turn out between me and my friend, i would call them crazy. but funnily, that's life. it throws you the unlikeliest events when you least expect them.
I also had an odd dream yesterday. when i woke up, i sat up and kept replaying it for several times. it touched me so deeply, it was almost as if my subconscious was talking to me. it was almost like the dream was trying to teach me a lesson, or make a point to me. ..it was a harsh realisation, and now the details of the dream have mostly faded away, but i'll never forget the lesson. it was a shock for me when i woke up, i kept wondering how could i have that dream? how is it possible for a person to have a story narrated to them by someone else as if the narrator were residing within them? and the character in the dream was also me..i've only had first person dreams so far. this was so ....strange.
i have understood that, no matter how much we try to lie to people around us or even to ourselves in the mirror, we can never hide our true self to inner soul within us. and sometimes, it will communicate back to us if it thinks we need some course correction. and that's ok. I'm thankful.
Oyasumi,
M.