July 25, 2019

5
Comments

Dear Diary,

I love being a mother. I also have the privilege of being a "stay at home mother". My boyfriend encourages this so that is nice. However I find myself longing for my own "thing" outside of motherhood. I want a job but I dont want to be away from my daughter, nor do I trust anyone to take care of her. 


I was just finishing college when I found out I was pregnant. It definitely wasn't planned and I was always the girl who "never wanted kids." But when I decided to continue with my pregnancy I did so with my whole heart and never looked back. I do not regret it one bit. I love my daughter and my life. But sometimes I look at myself and think I could be so much more than "just a mom." 


With a one income household money is tight. I'm so sick of living paycheck to paycheck. Always relying on the hope that things will work out. They always do but the time and energy it takes to make ends meet is so strenuous. I can't help but feel like I need to do more. 


My boyfriend is trying to find a second job. He is not listening to me and I dont know how to make him understand that I need something too. Sometimes it gets so bad I feel I am loosing my patience. I even raise my voice at my beautiful little girl. And it kills me. I know it's not her fault and i shouldn't take it out on her. I cry and feel horrible about it and myself all the time. And that's what I'm doing tonight. I'm so lost.......


I need to buy lottery tickets! Lol 

L
Lane✓
Jul 25, 2019 · 48 views

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L
LaneAug 4, 2019

Thanks Anita, I do craft. I make hair bows. Its decent and the little i do make from it is helpful. I could step up my game if i tried harder. Tank you as well Woopsydaizy, i appreciate the encouragement.

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WoopsydaizyAug 3, 2019

Im a G'ma and my DIL is going thru same thing. Motherhood is best and hardest job ever but it can screw with your identity in the begining. Hold tight❤

A
Anita Blake Jul 30, 2019

I was wondering if you ever thought about crafting. You would be amazed how easy it is and cheap lol. Etsy loves things like that. Maybe make a list of what you are good at, do it at home and just sell it online or even find a consignment store.

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LaneJul 25, 2019

I realize how lucky I am and do cherish all the time I have with my baby. But a career is something i missed out on as well ad the "having my own thing" part of it. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place lol.

C
CarolynJul 25, 2019

I feel you on the wanting to do your own thing, I just have a full-time job and I've been wanting to find something I can do from home. I miss my baby girl so much but my boyfriend don't make enough to have just him working.

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"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect."

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