Dear Diary,i was confused,conflicted and angry.me and my ex parted on good terms but he keeps messing me around.i know he thinks im enjoying chasing him up.im not and waiting for stuff to arrive that just isn't is frustrating.he ignores his kid,i just don't understand,hes upset and distracted but hou dont put it on your child.hes such a child himself.always bawling when he doesn't go his way or in his line of thinking.im for the first time glad we ard no longer together because i realised he was the voice constantly putting me down,always critiquing me.then ignoring for days jnto weeks into months.i wasted 5 years of my life with him he said he wanted marriage and babies but he lied go get intoy pants .thse are his sords,did he ever love me.he said he would always love me least because of a childhood tramua but then why did he pursue me so hard,enlisting one of my best friends to biv him on.i warned in fhd begining what i expected.but i caved,compromised and changed til eventually i didnt recognise me.i tried everything,i put all my heart in,he was the first guy not including my dad to see ne cry.i tore all my shell and did everything hd wanted but it wasn't enough i got ill,he didn't believe me even when i was rushed to hospital multiple times and the drugs im on.i didnt realise how much streess i was carried/ under until he let me go so maybe i shoild thank him.im now in a good places with family and good friends,i feel better off.but i still deeply love and that's hard to shake off but day by day i will stop loving him and giving myself some love back to give myself more confidence to face the world even if i have this new illness to contend with.i will be free to do what i want and thats good to indulge sometimes.peace to all ♥️