Dear Diary,
Zo these days I'm very sad and it hurts inside...it really does.
So at my previous college I had a best friend for 4-5 years and I loved her more than my own sisters cause me and my sisters had a lot fights and etc etc.
So in the past we couldn't be apart and we had to be together but she had kind of some lost interest in me and she began to hang out with my sister more. And of course I was angry with my sister about it. And my best friend, she talked to me and laughed with me but it wasn't like before and...
So like that I became lonely, I began to eat alone, sit alone and like that. And she didn't even asked it about me. She was my first best friend ever. I gave her the most expensive gifts in her birthdays and she would come over and talk and laugh. We were the silly twins even though we were from other country both...
We were drifted apart and she and my sister became closer...
I became sadder and those two became happier...
I became lonely and they became one...
After our fights and all like that my sister came to me and she said you know what she says about you? I was angry and disappointed with her but I still asked her what she's talking about..?
She said she talks bad about you she spreads bad rumours about you..I was shocked and I asked her for proofs and she showed me their chats.
I was shocked, so it said: yeah I know she's so annoying And I have to watch what I say so I don't hurt her and all like that, and I have to be nice just because I'm her best friend in everybody's eyes. But I don't want her nor her friendship I only like you. She always complaints and she doesn't have friend (while I had...) and she always fights with you and doesn't say why. All that was said in the chat... I was hurt. And I cried...a lot.
So some days later we had big party at our school cause we only had 2 year left. And I didn't say anything to her..I knew from the chats but didn't say anything. I entered the school and she looks disgusted at me and ofcourse I shrugged it off like i didn't care. And she talked with my sister how much she hates me and my sister said about the chats. That I saw them and she didn't even apologise...can you believe?? She didn't..
So another some days later I asked why she's doing this to me in Twitter.
She just said that she doesn't want to be with me anymore and she's annoyed after all those years of friendship.
I said: but we promised whenever we had discussion we would talk it out wouldn't we? She didn't say anything. And little did I know that, that was our last convo...
So I was depressed. Every day i saw her she would bully me with her words and like that. I was so depressed that i didn't wanted to live anymore. I thought of killing my life i thought of jumping in the train. I even wrote a letter to my loved ones how sorry I am that they found me like this. But I hadn't the courage. I even had a big fight with my sister that the courage came to end my life but I wanted a way that it couldn't hurt so wrapped my head in plastic I slept at the bathroom so that I could sleep rest fully forever. But ofcourse that time my family came in my head and tool the plastic off and breathed hard like I was about to die in a moment. I was scared. And my head began to spin I fell. And i hurted my head. I went downstairs. But me and my sister were alone at that moment. So I went to take some water and I fell again. I collapsed but i could see i just fell i hadn't the energy to stand up. And i heard my sister coming downstairs I stood very fast up so that she couldn't see my pain and my tears. But she knew the whole situation. And you what she said??? YOURE SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN STUPID GIRL. It hurts when someone doesn't understands you pain. So days passed she was happy in class and I wasn't. She began to hang out more with my sister and she even came in our house. She was there in our room...I just stayed in the bathroom cause I couldn't see her betraying face. So later when our year was finished those two had still contact..
It became less when the time passed but they were still friends so me and my sister decided to move to another college to finish our 2 years. We went there and me and my sister became so much closer that I can't even explain how much. One day she said I'm so sorry m/n (my name) that I didn't give the love and respect you deserved with me...we became more and more closer when the time passed cause we were in some new place... we became one like the perfect sisters. And one day I asked her if she still had contact with her (my ex best friend) she said no she doesn't text anymore all like that...months pass 3 or 4 I was checking Instagram and I switched with my other account and I saw the story of my sister... it was she and her together but it was a picture taken long time ago and her caption was : I miss this girl... I was shocked and all those memories and painfull memories came back...and switched back to my original account and i couldn't see her story so it meant that she blocked me from seeing it. I was sad and i still am.
It was enough that I saw her pictures at my other friends stories. (From my previous school).
I didn't tell her or asked my sister about this. It hurts and I don't know what to do....I miss her, i still want her back as a best friend but i can't forget the pain i went through. Maybe I can forgive but I can't forgive. And whenever Iook at my sister i think of those moments and somewhere in my heart I hate her...but she's my sister and I still love her.
Oh Allah please heal me...this pain is getting bad. But I promise to not do anything with myself....😔